You cannot become happy. You can only be happy.
You cannot become happy. You can only be happy.
There is this widespread tendency among humans to constantly postpone happiness. We convince ourselves that happiness is something "out there" that we will reach at some point after "buying that car" or "going on that holiday," or "earning a bit more money." We pursue happiness as something external to ourselves, broadly speaking, in the Western world. This belief may not hold, I would argue. In broad terms, happiness is the "presence of positive emotions and the absence of negative emotions" (referred to as hedonia in scientific literature) (Ryan & Deci, 2001). Hedonism is not the only goal of human existence and certainly not the only factor that propels humans forward in life. Hedonic adaptation happens when we adapt our lifestyle to increases in wealth, possessions, states of being. It is a feeling most people have experienced in their lives. The new smartphone you just purchased, which once felt like a tremendous improvement for your life satisfaction, has become, after some days of possession, "just another phone." We cannot rely on happiness to exist meaningfully because of the futile, abstract, and short-lived nature of happiness. We cannot rely on happiness in the future. We cannot seek happiness as if it was something of which only our future self will reap the benefits. That does not seem to be a reliable strategy, constantly postponing happiness because it is scary. One might also be scared to be happy, deep inside, for some reason that may be traced back to childhood trauma, environmental factors, or evolutionary psychology, for example. Our brains have evolved to be alert, most of the time, because threats may come at any time from any place. If we "let our guard down"—metaphorically and practically speaking (which is perceived to be the case when we are happy)—we may find ourselves hurt, in danger, potentially ruining our life and spiraling into a cycle of suffering. There is a point one can make about the nature of suffering in humans too. Pain appears to be an inherent characteristic of life—we never know what may happen, when, and how catastrophic that may be for our existence and the people around us. Suffering, we could argue, can be managed intentionally. Suffering is our response to inherent pain. We can decide—whether consciously or unconsciously—to become cynical, bitter, and resentful after a negative event (that is not under our control) occurring during our life. This reaction consumes cognitive and physical effort. It increases the initial pain ten-fold. We can, on the other hand, consciously practice and firmly decide to "stand up with our shoulders back" (Peterson, 2018) against the inevitable pain we encounter in our life journey. We can firmly, mindfully, and calmly decide to be happy right now instead of becoming happy in the future. "You cannot become happy. You can only be happy."
Quote of the Week
“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
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