Dare to Lead | Book Summary and Notes

The ability for leaders to rumble with vulnerability and embrace courageous conversations are much needed ones, now even more than ever.

The book is divided into 4 parts, each one dedicated to a skill that, according to author Brené Brown, defines courage:

1. Rumbling with Vulnerability

2. Living Into our Values

3. Braving Trust

4. Learning to Rise

A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding potential in people and processes, having the courage to develop that potential.

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Part 1 — Rumbling with Vulnerability

Embracing vulnerability is a leadership skill that separates the wheat from the chaff. It is what makes the difference. However, “vulnerability for vulnerability’s sake is not effective, useful, or smart.”

“A rumble is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to take a break and circle back when necessary, to be fearless in owning our parts, and, as psychologist Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard.”

— Brené Brown

“Vulnerability is having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.”

— Brené Brown

There are 6 myths around the concept of vulnerability:

1. Vulnerability is weakness

2. I don't do vulnerability: if you do not do vulnerability, it will do you.

3. I can go it alone

4. You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability

5. Trust comes before vulnerability

6. Vulnerability is disclosure

“Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.”

— Brené Brown

Vulnerability is generally speaking scary. We often build up an armor to it, as Brown points out in the book. Our ego will, indeed, do anything it can to minimize the inner discomfort that comes with rumbling with vulnerability. What will people think? What if I learn something too hard to be aware of?

And just as frightening as vulnerability is shame. “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”

“To be able to stand in discomfort with people who are processing shame, or hurt, or disappointment, or hardship, and to be able to say to them “I see you, and I can hold space for this” is the epitome of courage.”

— Brené Brown

Part 2 — Living Into Our Values

Values are the center of it all. Without clear, operationalized values to start from, there is no thoughtfulness. Not having clearly defined values can lead to paralysis and impulsive decision making.

“If we do not have clarity of values, if we don’t have anywhere else to look or focus, if we don’t have that light up above to remind us why we’re there, the cynics and the critics can bring us to our knees.”

— Brené Brown

Part 3 — Braving Trust

“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; it’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy; and it’s practicing your values, not just professing them.”

— Brené Brown

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“Choose courage over comfort. Choose whole hearts over armor. And choose the great adventure of being brave and afraid. At the exact same time.”

— Brené Brown

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